Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
Hm, this is interesting because my T seems to have a similar definition of forgiveness, but he is not religious (and he's Jewish, not Christian). So I wonder if it could be a popular therapist viewpoint in general, that definition of forgiveness, how it's healing to the person doing the forgiving?
I'm sorry she seemed so unwilling to accept your feelings on it and look for a way forward that works for you. I thought my T had understood and, as a result, backed off of this, which is why it was more jarring to me that he brought it up. This time, he didn't use the word "forgiveness" but "understanding," though I knew what he was implying because of our discussions about it before.
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Would it feel better if he were more straightforward with his agenda? I might feel caught off guard (and angry) if I were talking about a parenting issue and my T suggested that I be more understanding of my own parents. It would feel maybe a little manipulative at worst and not attuned at best.
I might hear it better if they were forthright and asked (at another time, not derailing my concern about my own child): it seems like you continue to have a lot of bad feelings toward your parents, do you feel weighed down (or whatever) by your own anger? Could it be helpful to see this another way?
Compassion toward someone who harmed you kind of has to come organically, I think. I don’t think it’s fair to force it.