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Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans
Would it feel better if he were more straightforward with his agenda? I might feel caught off guard (and angry) if I were talking about a parenting issue and my T suggested that I be more understanding of my own parents. It would feel maybe a little manipulative at worst and not attuned at best.
I might hear it better if they were forthright and asked (at another time, not derailing my concern about my own child): it seems like you continue to have a lot of bad feelings toward your parents, do you feel weighed down (or whatever) by your own anger? Could it be helpful to see this another way?
Compassion toward someone who harmed you kind of has to come organically, I think. I don’t think it’s fair to force it.
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Thanks for your reply. I do think that was a big part of it, that he was derailing what I was talking about. And it almost felt like, "Now that you're struggling, do you understand how hard it was for your parents now?" So it felt minimizing in a sense, too. When he's normally very validating about parenting and stuff with my D.
I would prefer if he'd just brought it up in a session where I seemed unsure of what to talk about. Or maybe if I was going to see my parents and said I was stressed about it.
I agree that compassion needs to come more organically. I also don't know that it necessarily needs to be the goal. Right now, I'm trying to work on feeling more compassion toward myself, for example. (I am making some progress with that, I think.) I feel like I need to get there before feeling it towards others, if that makes sense.
I do intend to talk about this with him in session this afternoon. Thanks for helping me clarify my thoughts on this a bit.