Thanks for saying that first part divine1966. I'm having to dismantle the my mantra "nice guys finish last" which is easier said than done. My distorted mindset is making me believe it though and it's having a harder time these days separating between what's real and what's not. Even though I am quite hardened as you could see, I think that opposite gender friendships are possible. But right now since most of those friendships that I had when I was younger are living their own lives now I'm trying to fill holes they left behind. I'm feeling inadequate that people are more successful with the opposite gender than I am.

Thanks for your support mote.of.soul. It's helpful you're encouraging me to be more forward thinking than my current way of being right now against the friend. That's why I haven't told her I didn't want to be friends anymore or blocked her on SM. And the merry-go-round analogy is the perfect descriptor as to how I'm feeling right now. I've experienced that in my relationship with my parents especially or pretty much anybody that I've wavered between wanting to be around and completely avoiding them.