Maybe some people change. I think it’s uncommon. I know personally I try to curb some of my behaviors but deep inside I am who I am so I think others might feel similar, they could curb some behaviors but you can’t change your core.

I believe when your husband says he changed. He thinks he did, maybe. But his core just comes through. Even in absence of abuse some relationships just are too difficult to sustain. My ex husband wasn’t abusive and neither was I but many years later he still tires me up and annoys the heck out of me, luckily I see him or talk to him infrequently and only in relationship to my daughter. But I need a nap every time I see him and he does absolutely nothing bad and neither do I. It’s just like I don’t know what it’s but it’s like chalk on glass. We manage to disagree all the time over things that are of not importance. Some things just don’t work and never would. We are in our mid 50s and even though we are very friendly on surface, we interact with each other the same way like when we were 20.

People just don’t change. In my opinion, people either figure out how to handle each other and manage it together or they end it and move on and find partners who they match better or stay single. I just don’t see any benefit in trying to change anyone. What you see is what you get. It’s either ok with you or it is not.

I feel you are wasting years of your life trying to change him. I’d either try to see if you can be ok with him or dump him.