When I worked in mental health with teenagers who had emotional problems and who were violent, we always focused on changing the behaviors. Behavior can change, but people may not change all that much in their character. There's a difference. My husband wants to do the right thing by people - all people, including family, friends, strangers and the homeless even. He saw a homeless family last weekend, went to the bank, withdrew $20 and gave it to them. He said it's the right thing to do. He has a sense of what's wrong and right. I know he's trying. Last night he told me he would work on it.

And like I said, even if I decide to leave him again, I cannot accomplish that for months from now. Between now and then, it's very possible that his behavior worsens or stays the same and continues. And with a good couples therapist, change may be possible, but I suppose setbacks are expected at times. OR, the behavior becomes intolerable for me again, in which case I will have no choice but to leave him.