It's these darn potato chips. They taste so good! But after i feel remorse, guilt, shame and out-of-control. It takes many hours of abstinence before i feel better.

I'm 5'3" and weigh 240 pounds and am a 55 year old woman. I'm vegetarian at the moment. I don't cook. I have high blood pressure. I drink a protein shake that has 30 grams of protein for 160 cals.

I try to exercise. I like exercise so much that i overdo it. I'm really weak from inertia due to depression and COVID confinement so even the gentlest of exercise is too much. I tried doing ten laps of my hallway here in the building and three push-ups and stretching on Sunday and yesterday (Monday) and i guess two days in a row was far too much because i am painfully sore today and couldn't even take a shower because my arms were too sore to raise to wash my hair. Even typing is hard.

I really value physical fitness but feel desperation that it may not be possible. I'm just so darn FAT. I've been on about forty diets. I just do a calorie-reduced diet according to The Canada Food Guide which is really heavy on vegetables. My doctor supports this. I've lasted between a few hours to one year and lost between zero and 65 pounds and have NEVER kept it off. I'm at my highest weight ever.

I'm six days into an antidepressant and they take two to six weeks to reach effectiveness. It's a weight-neutral med thankfully.

I'm just so tormented about my weight. I feel terrible about myself and how i look. I get exhausted just walking in the mall. When i was younger it was relatively easy to lose weight but now that i'm a senior it's virtually impossible.

I'm basically an invalid.

Now i'm reading about anti-dieting culture and getting uneasy. It's all so confusing!