I know you believe that things can change. I even know from my past experience that the 'impossible' can infact be possible. But that doesn't change the fact that I don't see how this can ever change. I don't believe that it can. I couldn't even answer your question of 'but you do want it to change' because I'm not sure what the answer is. I'm not sure why I'm spending all this money when things will never be any different. It feels like these doors are not only shut, but locked, welded, painted, chained and wedged closed. It simply feels impossible. And therefore it feels pointless.