Hello throwaway: I don't know as I really have much in the way of answers to offer you. But I noticed this is your first post here on MSF. So... welcome to the forums. I hope you find being here to be of benefit.

You asked how you stop hating yourself and being so miserable. I suppose the obvious answer is to find, and work with, a mental health professional in an effort to figure out what is causing you to be so down on yourself. Then, perhaps, you can begin to figure out why it is you've had so much difficulty attracting members of the opposite sex. Possibly there is something in how you present yourself, or things you say (or how you say them) that turns young women off? I don't know, of course. These are just random thoughts on my part.

I think, somehow, you need to find someone, in real life, who can act as a sort of mirror and help you to understand what's going on. You mentioned you suck at talking with people and you hate yourself. That, in-and-of itself, may be enough to cause you to not come across as attractive to women. Or perhaps there's something else going on here. Is it possible you're a person with high-level autism? Did you experience childhood emotional neglect growing up? Here again, if there's something such as this going on with you it's going to take working with a mental health professional to figure that out definitively... again... just random thoughts that come to mind reading your post.

Anyway... reading, here on MSF, as well as continuing to post may be a good first step. My best wishes to you.