I’m better today. In a sense anyway. I heard a voice this morning but at least I don’t hear voices that talk to me. Usually just one thing like someone calling my name. And it was just once.

I was so physically and mentally tired this morning I felt like crying. I certainly didn’t feel like going to PHP. But they don’t let you skip unless you have like a medical appt or something. If you don’t answer the phone they call your emergency contact and if they can’t verify your safety they send the cops for a “wellness check”. I’m sure cops love taking time out of their day for a “wellness check” on a mental health patient. So I went. Sometime during third group I switched back over to furious. I was so desperate to self harm but thankfully PHP has those re-freezable ice cubes so I squeezed those. Kept getting up and switching my melted ones for fresh ones. I was going to go to the gym but I was so hungry I thought I would collapse so I came home and now I’m over it. I think I’m gonna do a YouTube workout instead.

I still want to self harm badly but I won’t, I cant, I can’t be forced IP again.