i got contacted by my ex tonight.....
i cant begin to explain the feelings ....
he is in the military,,, and wants me to come out to visit..... he's in another state and he's leaving in a few weeks.....i am overjoyed that he contacted me.....
he is the reason i tried to kill myself on new years eve two years ago.....
him leaving me then was the trigger for my first psychotic manic episode.....
i have been horrible since he left.....
never wanting any other guy and only had a short sex relationship just this past november.....
he told me tonight he still loves me.. and i still love him...
circumstances though, he is not willing to change his marital status for me (he got a chick pregnant in training and married her 6 months into his service) ...and i should see that as a strong sign that this is never gonna happen....
i would wait 4 more years for him, i would live on base with him, but none of that is reality.
reality is still just me, all alone......
and god must have it in for me tonight cuz the episode of ER is all about the army thing going on and just compounds the issues im having right now about my feelings for my ex.....