I don't even want to post here but the mods won't delete my account. I only come back because I want support - But there's something wrong with me. I'm not worthy of support. I don't know who I am.

I also deactivated my FB. I pushed away all of my friends. People offer to talk to me but I don't initiate any conversation.

I don't remember anything. This life is horrible. If I died, everything would disappear. But I'm recognizing that this world will stay.

It's like I've never made any progress to avoid suicidal thoughts. It's the same. 10+ years and nothing has changed the way I feel. And when I feel happy, I do it in a ****ed up way. I mess everything up.

I feel like God wants me to kms. I am being chosen. Because the energy stretches out infinitely - I'll just disappear. By my heart stopping. The conspiracies attract me - And people are zombies. Everyone is dead.