...... I'd rather have time with T to actually assess me then more meds. Because meds right now are tough.

I'm planning on writing everything down and have a serious talk with my therapist next Tuesday. So that I have to stop "presenting nice". She's probably was wondering why I was there until I slipped up yesterday. That was towards the end of the session. It's not like I wasn't talking about things just not things about my mental health. And I said the right numbers on the 1-10 scale but no one knows why I put the numbers that I do. So I wrote down my scale for her so I can't skate by anymore. I'm so nervous. Then I had to tell H why she wanted us to go out for icecream. Then things fell apart on the outside. It's like letting people in makes it worse because I know it's wrong what I'm thinking but it's stuck in my head. She was trying to assess if my relationships are going to fall apart or if it was just my feelings. That didn't help because now I'm searching for any little thing to prove that I'm right.