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Apr 30, 2022, 12:22 AM
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Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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I'm counting the hours until I see my therapist on Tuesday. In fact, I'm going to leave a message & ask the (dear) receptionist to put me in if there are any cancellations on Monday. About 3 years into therapy...I thought I could easily go to to 2 - or even 1 - session per month, down from two sessions a week. Ha, foolish me.
The whole mess with that damn med provider has set off all sorts of psychological problems. David was here, but he left kind-of early and anyway I don't talk much with him about this stuff. I don't know what I'd do without this forum, this board, this wonderful group.
Sleep is an effed-up mess, I have nothing else to take. All the stuff I have, none of it is working anymore and anyway, I'm out of ZzzQuil and melatonin. The various AP's don't even help me sleep unless I take a dose that's high enough to ruin my thinking for the next day, all day (and of course, I'll finally wake up 2 hours before bedtime  ). I guess I'll take Tylenol PM tonight, I doubt it'll do much, if anything, but I just don't know what else to do.
My mind is so screwed up at this time that I'm even doing mindfulness and CBT, haha. Definitely working with my breathing. I hear on the radio Whoopeee! It's the week-end! - and all I can think is Oh, God. "Week-end" means totally on my own. How am I supposed to make it through to the other side of the week-end?
Okay. Gotta stop thinking so much. I can turn a baseball game on tomorrow afternoon, baseball can be calming, centering.
I'm in a group for people who own cats with diabetes and it's a terrific group in many ways, loads of information that vets don't even begin to get into. But there's a very, very, very rigid system of belief on what to feed a diabetic cat. And for the most part, I agree with the feeding guidelines. But what I've noticed tends to happen is that you get a large group of middle/upper middle class women and a few men, all these obviously well-off people who can afford things like automatic feeders that work on a microchip the cat wears on its collar. So if someone has more than 1 cat, no other cat gets into the food of the cat who "owns" a specific feeder. Stuff like that.
Well, I live in a 1 bedroom apartment and own 5 cats. In the best ways I can possibly arrange, the apartment is set up to be nice specifically for the cats. But they are all rescues, various backgrounds, ages and dietary needs, and of course, Sidney has diabetes. One woman in the group ragged on me for feeding my cats both kibble and wet food, because she (and all the others that stay in the group because they're all alike) believe that you are harming your diabetic cat if you feed it dry food. I understand about the protein/carbs importance, so I do feed Sid a lot of wet food. But I have to leave kibble out at night or they will all keep me awake and a couple of them, if they can't "graze" they'll actually throw up from having an empty stomach.
Anyway, I felt like shyte when that woman posted to me about the food. God, I love Sidney with my life. I'm doing the best I can. I'm so sorry for her that she has an owner with mental illness who can't risk losing any more sleep than she already is losing. I felt like I was just coming apart when I read what that woman posted to me. I'm hurting so much already, and so scared.
Oh, wow. I have got to calm myself down. I'm upset because I have to buy sandals this week, spend money on sandals, when I would rather buy boots- no, I'd mostly like to go barefoot, altogether, which is what I feel best doing.
Well, good-night everybody. Stay golden. Loads of love, all around 
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