Honestly, my forgetting things has never been about laziness. It’s been about too many people and details for my brain to recall automatically. I have no idea why. It’s been a life-long issue. I’m a very smart person, but I always sucked at objective detail. Made studying a chore. Hours of drill and kill. I remember names and I remember faces, but I often can’t keep them connected. I am awful at memorization tasks. I make lists. Keep journals. Set alarms. Still have issues. Widow’s brain isn’t helping the matter.

But it’s not for lack of effort. It’s not Alzheimer’s or anything like that. It’s not degenerative; I have always been this way.

But give me a subjective task and I thrive. Relationships. No problem because despite the fact that I may have to ask you to remind me of a detail from time to time, I am loyal, kind, respectful, responsible, supportive. My students completely forgive that I might have to ask them their name if I see them out of context because I am upfront with them that this is my big flaw as a teacher, but they have seen my dedication to their progress, my willingness to support them, and the care I take in my teaching.

Is this therapist otherwise helpful, supportive, consistent? Can you just simply refresh her recall and trust that once prompted she’s right there with you? I know my therapist and I created a bit of a family tree that he kept in his notes which he would pull out on occasion for recall.

My dear husband had an awful memory for birthdays and anniversaries. He forgot my birthday pretty regularly and remembering our anniversary date was a constant worry for him. Don’t even get me started on the kid’s birthdays. He was awful at remembering appointments. But he was such a kind man and would just do anything for anyone. In his last few years he really did start developing early onset dementia. His short term memory issues really affected his quality of life those last few years. So I have real empathy for people who struggle with recalling details. I just have never experienced forgetfulness as a lack of caring. I have seen it caused by stress, trauma, disease, distraction by too much going on at once, or just an odd quirk of learning style (which seems to be my issue).

Negligence is a different matter. I just don’t generally see forgetfulness as negligence. Is it possible that you are reacting to the experience of early negligence but have equated forgetfulness with negligence? I ask that because my husband came from a history of not only childhood abuse but also severe negligence. He was literally forgotten by his family and left places. His care was neglected regularly. That’s forgetfulness of a different kind. Just a thought and probably way off, but since you mentioned this is a core belief you have held it crossed my mind.