Nope. Not gonna share it with you after all.

Last night I had a terribly violent and frightening nightmare and it didn't take me long to figure that one out. I'd been thinking lately about asking you for a short series of sessions to finish talking over some stuff around my leaving that I felt we didn't get to when you cancelled the last 2 weeks of December - and the dream came because my psyche knows that if I came back, I would start all over again and not leave and would be killing off a part of myself, the part that is finally starting to find independence from my deep attachment to you and I do NOT want to lose that part. I need that part to grow! That's the part of me from which I signed up for the shadow work lecture series, and the Toko-Pa lecture last week, and attends the weekly drum circles on Zoom, and the Dream Summit last week also. Man all of that energized and continues to energize me greatly!! And showed me that I am fully capable of continuing this part of my work now without the dependence that happened in our work together. I want to get back into therapy at some point for other stuff, but I know it can't be with you because I would fall right back into what I finally had to walk away from. I still love you always will, you helped me a ton, I learned so much, and I think you're a great T, but... you're not the right T for me anymore, that's all, and that's okay, isn't it? I'm not starting with a new T for awhile though. I'm taking an extended break from formal therapy and I feel like that's just where I need to be right now. I think it's time I stop posting to you too. I'm just encouraging the stickiness of the attachment, aren't I?

Thank you for everything. So much.