Stim allows me to distract self from my own horrible existential thoughts and instead, other peoples thoughts/videos about parallel universes etc

I drive self nuts on purpose now mostly

I'm addicted to my devices. Before, there wasn't much out there (Unless I got the information from someone else - And that couldn't happen because I was INCREDIBLY isolated), now there is everything available..

But my brain has given up long ago. I was also thought of as lazy and needed to be kept busy, doing meaningless tasks such as sweeping, keeping me away from the little bit of growth that I could have obtained for myself.

Since a child, I gave up as well. Because things seemed really wrong with society. I decided to retreat into my head instead of being defiant or playing along with it - Fight, flight or freeze. I was freeze.

Edit: Fight (Defiant), flight (Running away from problems?), freeze (Wtf?) and then normal (Going along with it)* I was actually mostly flight after a certain point.

Many people... they go through this. If I wasn't so confused/disorganized, then..