I was anxious before seeing my psychiatrist so I took 0.25mg of clonazepam - Felt a little numb and dysphoric.

He's a really good psychiatrist at listening to me and my mom - Very good. He said that in general, I'm slightly in psychosis (Which I really hate to admit. I don't like to admit it anymore) and I said.. Ok fine.. So he increased the Invega Trinza injection from every 12 weeks to 9 weeks - Which is tomorrow...

At first, he wanted to increase the olanzepine from 10mg to 12.5-15mg and I said "It has made me gain weight" and they (Both him and my mom) laughed - Like yeah.. My standards are high. I like to have a six pack - Cuz I've had one all of my life lol..

But anyways, he refilled my meds to the new pharmacy owned by the woman (From the old pharmacy) that likes me and likes to know how well I'm doing often - Maybe discounted nicotine gum.. So now I'm away from the head pharmacist from the old pharmacy that treats me like an opioid addict.

My psychiatrist prescribed Zoloft.. It seemed to be the best option. I'm not happy about starting it - But if I have to be numb for a while to avoid severe suicidal lows, I guess that it's my best option.

I came home and drank some rum, in despair... And wrote this. I love you all, friends..