I've just come out of a manic episode that lasted about a week and I'm still struggling to process want went on and come to terms with it. It's not the worst I've had but I thought I was on an upwards curve and life was becoming more stable.

I'm going to be brutally honest so sorry if I'm sharing too much
It should have been a great week, I had just been offered a new job and was going to celebrate with my best mate on Saturday. However for some reason I was very unsettled and increasingly hyper I handed my notice in on Friday which went very badly, my boss was a complete arse about it and made it a very unpleasant experience. Then my best mate cancelled our celebration dinner because she was feeling ill and I went into a downward spiral. I started drinking more, not to excess, but enough and making up stories in head about why my mate had cancelled on me. The stories grew and grew and although I didn't realise it at the time I was becoming increasingly irrational and vindictive. It took a very terse message explaining my her difficulties, and she has plenty, to bring me partially to me senses. Now I'm fully out of it I'm looking back with horror and a very depleted bank balance. I feel kind of spaced out and divorced from reality at the moment.

My biggest issue is having treated my best mate so badly. My last message was meant to be apologetic but looking back it could have been much more sincere. Now I'm in a downward spiral of shame. I was completely lacking in empathy towards someone very close to me who I love very dearly and I don't know what to do about it. I just feel like a complete failure as a friend and a human. I'm tired of these episodes and the effect they have on those closest to me. Sometimes I feel like there's only one way out of this