I drank rum cuz it's just how I am. I guess just wait for the SSRI, AP to kick in. I'm really OK without meds - Just people get concerned. And I guess cuz I get suicidal. I know you're all probably disappointed in me, but all of these things... I've been doing on and off for decade. I get intrusive thoughts about bad memories - All I seem to remember. Not many people understand, and I found some sort of comfort in the glorification of drugs. I want to study, learn, grow, thrive - And I do - More than ever. Things are OK. I don't want to just tell everyone what is ideal to them. This is me and how I deal with things. I'm positive half of the time, other half = sui. But I haven't died, from either. Take it or leave it.

I have little energy to keep up with anything. I want to be somewhere else than here.