re:freewill
looks like you and I are similar. I never, ever cried in my adulthood, freewill, but after my sexual assault I bottled things up completely. Then as my mental breakdown progressed, I shocked myself by crying like you've never seen. . .
That was one of many features of my breakdown, looking back on it,it did me a lot of good. Freewill, it's taken me over 4 years to get to here, but the point I'm making is that the act of crying was a major factor in letting me be on the road to healing.
Hope this little contribution helps you. (Big warm hug for you).