I'm not feeling safe, not feeling safe at all.
All I keep thinking about are the knives in the kitchen....the vodka in the freezer. I just want to replace all these bad thoughts with something that numbs, alcohol or self injury..I'm not to choosy at this moment
I want to, I want to so bad and noone is here to stop me, noone is home to worry about sneaking around.
Why do I hate myself so much? I keep thinking about all the stupid things I have ever done, all the mistakes I have ever made, anyone I have ever hurt. I also keep thinking about my Nana..my dear Nana three years gone, I keep thinking about how the doctors all lied and said she felt no pain..what liars..I watched her suffer behind that steering wheel...how dare they lie to me I was there..I watched it all.
I just want this to all go away, too many emotions to handle and I don't feel like dealing with them.
I tried writing, drawing, and I still want to..make it stop...please.
Trying so hard to stay safe...trying so hard to center..to meditate..to do something that takes me to a safe place..sombody help me.