Right now I’m at a crossroads: earlier this year I embarked on a very creative endeavor: a podcast, where I interview people about mental health. People who are suffering from the disorder, who have found strategies for managing it, etc.
I feel gripped by the KT Tunstall song “Suddenly I see” – this is what I wanna be. I really enjoy the whole process: the creative element, the technology, the storytelling, the connection. I feel a lot like I did in the late 1990’s, when I taught myself how to build Websites. This is before Facebook / Instagram, when you had to know HTML, JavaScript, CSS, etc. to post something online. Even if you used one of those primitive scary site builders like GeoCities.
The problem is I’m second guessing and doubting myself. Every night I toss and turn. It’s a pet project right now that’s not generating any $$$. “Why are you wasting your time?” “Who cares about what you or any of your guests have to say?” “Wow, must be nice to be the 956,301st podcast about mental health and wellness.”
When I’m preparing for the interviews, speaking with the guests, and editing the recordings I feel so alive. Then I check my email and there’s a million things from my “day job” that have piled up. For the first time in about 17 years I’m doing something I truly enjoy. The last time I started this type of journey – about 25 years ago, it ushered in one of the most productive, rewarding chapters of my life.
I could use any positive affirmations today from this amazing community, to help remind me that I’m using my time wisely. Even though it’s just a hobby right now, I think when passion, purpose, and project (management) are aligned, sky’s the limit.
Thanks all!
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Diagnosis: Bipolar I w/ Depression
Medications:
Lamictal
Lyrica
ECT - once / month
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