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Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans
Sounds like an awful experience. It’s personal in that it happened to you, but not personal in that it sounds like this is almost entirely about the therapist’s incompetence.
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Hello Jeans. Thank you for this. I'd like to respond to a couple of things.
Someone in an earlier reply stated that only myself, former-partner and the T truly know what happened that day. This is true. However, being able to share this experience now, albeit anonimously/on the web, has been a huge relief. I badly needed another perspective on things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans
When you are doing your best to be earnest in couples therapy and trying not to be defensive etc you are just a sitting duck for being hurt by an incompetent or unethical therapist.
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Here's what complicated things furrther.
During therapy we share our vulnerabilities. We're open and acutely sensitive.
The T has an implied status. Like cops whose authority is implied, a T (at least for myself) has an implied trust/professionalism.
During the course of our sessions it seemed the T and my SO were quite similar people. My partner has a perspective which was shared by the T, she is articulate and thoughtful, her responses were generally considered - she got alot of, subtle, positive reinforcement, lacking, as I saw it, in our own interactions.
Because of the rep the institution had, I assumed our T was experienced. I now question that asumption. I do wonder whether she was recently qualified or, as previously suggested, new to couple's therapy. The sudden, explosive response, the (perhaps) unconcious emphasis shown to my partner.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans
Think about it: if you’re in solo therapy and you encounter a therapist who isn’t that empathic, you can leave. Also it would be rare to encounter a therapist in individual therapy who says something like, “I can see your mom’s point, you were a bad child!”
In couples therapy that happens All. The. Time.
And if you want to leave couples therapy as your relationship is crumbling it’s as though you’re not putting in a good faith effort, especially if your partner doesn’t see it the same way.
Anyway. I think wtf happened is that the therapist sucked and made you feel like your point of view wasn’t valid. I don’t find it so surprising. Bad therapists are a dime a dozen.
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What an utterly depressing thought. I'm not challenging what you say, it's just very, very sad if true.
As you mention, in couple's therapy, if something re the Therapist seems off, you're in a bit of a bind. Throughout the whole thing I questioned MYSELF rather than the T's method. Then had my concerns waved away only to return. And, because of this implied trust/professionalism PLUS not wanting to let your partner down, it's incredibly difficult to challenge anything.