Thanks Kit, I really appreciate your comment. My worry is that I used to have this with Ex T, right at the beginning of our work, and I would just be confined to the sofa for the rest of the day, sometimes days, just in so much pain and so tired, unable to function except to go to work when I had to. I'm scared of going back to that place, but I do know that this work is going to be very hard and very tiring. I likened it to a wrestling match today, because I feel like I'm wrestling with the very protective parts of me who are desperate to keep this all inside. Short bouts of insane amounts of effort followed by rest.
So, my Dear T message is this... I'm proud of myself. I moved from the beanbag to the chair outside. I couldn't face the gym so I didn't go, but neither did I let this 'win' and spoil my day. I enjoyed the sunshine. I wrote in my therapy diary and I managed some gardening. I used my skills I learnt with Ex T and I thought of her, which helped me to get up and do something positive. Weeding. Good for the soul and good for the garden. And I opened up to R a little. Told him how difficult the session had been.