I'm glad my thoughts were helpful to you, Kit. I also wanted to add -- in case it wasn't 100% clear -- that I don't think this is a little thing and I do think you are absolutely justified in feeling upset about it. I think most people would feel put out by it and especially people with any sort of neglect in their background.

I am generally a conscientious, responsible person too, and my impulse to "take care of" my T (as she puts it) has come up several times in different ways over the years. Sometimes I'm just being kind in a way that's in character for me, but sometimes I realize I am doing it because I (subconsciously) think she won't like me or want to help me if I don't please her, which is an unhelpful pattern from childhood.

I also think it's okay to not bring it up with her if you don't feel like you can. Sometimes just recognizing what you feel and why is a huge accomplishment, even if you're not ready to do anything about it right now.