It’s important to understand what codependency means. One of the unhealthy aspects of codependency is enabling behaviors that are not healthy for the overall relationship, but also has become a detriment to the quality of your own life.

Up until now you have been a good mother in that your children knew they had your support while they slowly learned a lot of different things about life and themselves. For them to also continue developing skills to maintain independence is important. Our children pay attention to how we navigate our lives. One thing parents teach without realizing it is giving up independence and instead living their life around an unhealthy partner.

Right now you are evaluating and trying to do so as honestly as possible. That takes courage in that you are forced to see realities that may be hard to accept. A lot of marriages go through a period of evaluation when the children are getting ready to leave the nest and the parents lives change. The question does become what’s next and what does the relationship mean.

You have important questions about what your life will be about next. You deserve to have a sense of independence and be free from the constant parenting role you engaged in every day. Your husband has expressed that he is content to continue his daily use of marijuana. It sounds like he prefers to be numb on a daily basis. He wants you to enable that lifestyle and live your life around that dependency.

What do you want?