</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
kim_johnson said:
now... my culture doesn't have a 'dating culture' the way that the US does. i'll admit that I don't really understand it.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">The U.S. has a dating culture? What does that mean? I live in the U.S. and don't know about our dating culture, lol.

Kim, here is how I always thought things worked. A guy and girl get to know each other by spending time together, going out to restaurants, movies, eating dinners at home, listening to music, going for hikes, etc. At some point, the relationship becomes more serious and they do not do these activities with other people. Usually by this point they are sleeping together. If one partner wants to date or sleep with other people, they should break up with the other partner first. This is considered common courtesy and the right thing to do. If they don't break up first and sleep with multiple people, there is usually a big hullabaloo and one partner in the relationship she/he thought was exclusive ends up feeling betrayed and shows the "cheater" the door. Is that what you mean by dating culture?

Y wants to date multiple people. To me that means he is not committed to an exclusive relationship with X, at least by U.S. standards. If Y is trying to tell X that is not the way it works, that we do things differently in the U.S., well that is a crock of s**t and he is just trying to make excuses for not wanting to commit to an exclusive relationship.

Kim, the two body problem exists in my field too. That does not make it OK to cheat on your partner (unless of course both partners want an "open" relationship, but this is not common in my field). I married a guy in my field and it was a bad decision (for many reasons it turns out). I would not do it again if only because of the career problems it causes.

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x isn't prepared to be in a relationship with a person who is open to dating other people.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Sounds like a firm boundary and you know your mind. Good.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
x thinks that if a person is open to dating other people then a person hasn't made the commitment to be in a relationship.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Agreed. Seems obvious.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
y has made it abundently clear that y is not prepared to commit to having a faithful relationship with x

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Sounds like you two have talked about it and this is his answer? I guess it's kind of a "take it or leave it choice" for x. At least he is being honest. I think he would not be surprised if any woman chose "leave it", but if he can get someone to say "take it", then why not? Perhaps a strategy that has worked for him in the past.

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So... When we are in the same place for 9 months I need to keep my resolve. I don't want us to get back together and then for things to fall apart again (him to want to date other people) once we leave. Not negotiable for me. Nope.

Does this sound kind of reasonable?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Yes. I admire your firm boundaries.

Does X have to go to the same place Y will be for 9 months or are there other options? Might be easier for X to go elsewhere unless unavoidable.