Had a pretty good morning but as soon as I got home the depression starts kicking in. I might have to sell my home and move into an apartment or something. My wife and I lived here 22 years. When I am not here the depression is not as bad. The long motorcycle trip that I just back home from last Thursday put me at being gone for 21 days and those were pretty good days with depression only kicking in at the hotel rooms in the evenings. I rode 5736 miles on that trip and I dedicated that ride to the memory of my wife she really loved riding motorcycles. It was something we started late in life but we enjoyed every moment of it. I had a custom Christmas ornament made a couple of years ago and my wife really loved it. I had it made into a tattoo yesterday and it came out great. The artist talked me into changing just a few minor things in regards to some of the colors and I took him up on his suggestions. I really love the way it turned out. I had the border changed and he came up with the chain around it. It took almost 2 hours to get it done and it actually hurt the most out of any other ink I have had done but it has also been like 9 years since my last one lol and this has the most detail out of any other work I have done. I have an appointment tomorrow with my pdoc and I hope this guy can get his act together this is the third time I have seen him and I actually kind of like him. The problem is he does not get back to me if I call with a problem with like my medications. I have only called him twice over the last 3 months since I started seeing him but he has never gotten back to me and I don't call back cause I don't want to bother him and I don't want to hunt down people to do their jobs. He is one of the only male therapist that I have been able to open up to. All but one of my past pdocs have all been female since I was like 20 and I'm 48 now lol. I really am hating this depression no pun intended but it is really bringing me down. If I could get paid to ride motorcycles my life would be perfect that's why I am thinking of going back into truck driving. I am thinking of becoming a garbage man here until my oldest dog passes away I can't bear to put her down cause she is old and blind but she still acts young. Life just f ING sucks right now and I hate it. I have a men's group that we meet every other week for dinner and I was thinking about canceling tonight because I am depressed but I have changed my mind cause I think it will do me good to get out of the house. Thanks for taking the time to read this I greatly appreciate everyone in here. I wish I would support more of you like you have I i just don't really know how.