|
May 11, 2022, 07:52 PM
|
 |
|
|
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 473
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Beth*
I'm just....so done. So done. Stupid crap happening all day. Yes, it could be much worse but, gee...there's always tomorrow for that. My attitude stinks right now. I feel very self-destructive, very angry, and I'm turning it inward on myself. I'm going to turn some music on, that always helps me to work out emotions that are stuck.
Triggers all over the place. I truly don't deserve what I'm getting. Seriously...
I saw my med provider today, another hour long appointment. He's a sweetheart, really helpful, doesn't act rushed in the least bit. He works with me not over me, listens very well and is able to interpret what I'm feeling and what I want to do. He has diagnosed me with bipolar disorder, hands down. I really worked to withdraw the diagnosis, but he gently but firmly stuck with his diagnosis. Bipolar, CPTSD, and OCD.
Same as always (with the exception of the former med provider, the lunatic woman who got everything all screwed around; she, who never once asked me about my history & ended up plastering me with a substance use disorder because I've been physically stuck on Klonopin for 20+ years. *eye roll*).
I left the clinic feeling defeated. "That" feeling of being told i have a brain disorder that I'm stuck with for life. That I will likely always need medication. That going off medication won't make the disorder disappear. Smash, smash, smash.
He very kindly and respectfully asked me to please go back on Lamictal. He offered the option of switching to Vraylar, but I thought about wfc's experience with Vraylar and decided against it. Lithium came up, but why take on the side effects when Lamictal is working without any problems.
The problem is not the medication; the problem is me.
Clonidine for sleep, but only .5 - has anyone here been on it? It sounds to me like a pretty mild sleep aid, and I feel like I need a sleep aid that will snow me under. I keep asking for a very low dose of Haldol and I wish one of them would listen to me about that.
I'm sorry. When I go dark I go really dark, and this one has been prolonged. If my therapist would return...yes. And so on.
And a few nights of good sleep would be ay-may-zing.
Bear with me. (Fuzzy, bear with me - teehee  )
Crystal-blue persuasion to each.
(I hope Nammu is okay, hope she can check in soon.)
Love, peace, health, happiness, stay golden 
 all around.
|
These are supposedly my same exact diagnosis - diagnosed on the 5th of May.
Clonidine was only used for akathisia for me. Didn’t really help with much of anything else.
Last edited by FooZe; May 12, 2022 at 02:07 AM.
Reason: Administrative edit (to quote only)
|