Yeah, she should get it for herself because she does have other clients. However I get the feeling I am the only one she uses Zoom for and the rest she just talks on the telephone with. But I like to see my T's face and their reactions and such. Talking on the phone isn't the same for me. It doesn't feel therapy-ish. I tend to shut down while talking on the phone and there is a lot of silence. Then the T has to ask if I am still there. I've always been that way, not just with this T. She didn't cut the session short when the Zoom ran out last week, she just called me on my cell phone, which thankfully was charged, for the last 15 minutes. I mean, it worked, it just upset the flow of the conversation, and I couldn't see her or see her reactions or anything like that.


I'm not too annoyed about the cost because I teach a class (to just one person, it's a religious class) on Saturday's and I would have needed it anyway to go longer than 40 minutes. And we typically use Zoom on Saturday mornings for an hour to an hour and 15 minutes. So it's not like I wouldn't have ended up paying for it anyway.


I think I'm more bothered by her not setting it up and having things prepared for me. Like somehow, I'm not worth the hassle or bother of her learning a new skill. But she is 72 or 73. I think I would want people to give me grace if I still had to work at that age. So I will probably never tell her that it bothers me a little. It just hits on some nerves from being a child and not being properly looked after or taken care of. But I'm an adult now and I am capable of setting up Zoom for my therapist and as long as she is good in other areas, then I can overlook this. At some point I should bring up the feelings about not being taken care of in childhood properly but that's hard to do.


Thank you all for helping me to walk through this emotions and figure them out. I feel less "bad" about myself now than I did yesterday.