I have occasionally blamed my spouse for things being a certain way when I didn't want the other person to be upset with me. I'm sure she's made me the heavy sometimes too. I think it's a benefit of being married. Would it be better if he didn't mention her at all? He can say he is going to telehealth and not why. After all, the decision to acquiesce to her request is still his decision.

Do you feel a little like he's choosing her needs over yours? (No judgment or shame in that, btw. A part of me is very irritated by the genuine actual reality that my T's spouse is more important to her than me.)