Quote:
Originally Posted by ElectricManatee
I have occasionally blamed my spouse for things being a certain way when I didn't want the other person to be upset with me. I'm sure she's made me the heavy sometimes too. I think it's a benefit of being married. Would it be better if he didn't mention her at all? He can say he is going to telehealth and not why. After all, the decision to acquiesce to her request is still his decision.
Do you feel a little like he's choosing her needs over yours? (No judgment or shame in that, btw. A part of me is very irritated by the genuine actual reality that my T's spouse is more important to her than me.)
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Oh, I'm sure it's very common in marriages/partnerships. I imagine in this case, he knows I'll be upset with him. Even though I told him yesterday, before the wife mention, that I wouldn't be angry at him for switching back to virtual, that I understood. That I'd be sad about it, but not angry at him. He replied "Thank you for saying that." (I suspect I'm not the only client who will be angry or upset about the change.)
I do think there may be some element of jealousy there for me, in terms of her needs coming above those of mine and other clients. Which of course I don't feel comfortable sharing with him. I'm sure many people could share that with their therapists--I'm just unsure how he would take it. Though I don't know, we've been talking through things well lately.
I just had another thought--maybe it's also that she's not a therapist (he's said she isn't), and of course I have no idea if she's been a client (well, she's been diagnosed as ADHD, so maybe?) So I feel it's easy for her to be like, "Just work virtually, you can do the same work with the clients without the risk." And maybe not realize how it can be important to some clients and make a difference in the work. I mean if he was, I don't know, an eye doctor or a surgeon, it's not like he'd even really have the option of working virtually and be able to serve his clients/patients.
Oh, and it doesn't help that I know tomorrow is his birthday, but he doesn't know that I know that (it's listed in an athlete profile on the site for his sport, and I read it like the first week I was seeing him, so it's not like I found it in some underhanded way). So I feel a bit bad if I end up expressing anger with him on his birthday. And, returning to the jealousy piece, also his wife and son--and friends--would get to celebrate that with him, but I don't even know if it's OK for me to say "Happy Birthday!" without his potentially being weirded out.
Knowing me, right at the end I'll be like, "uh, Happy Birthday!" he'll be weirded out, I'll say I'm sorry, then panic that he's going to be upset with me.