Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
Oh, I'm sure it's very common in marriages/partnerships. I imagine in this case, he knows I'll be upset with him. Even though I told him yesterday, before the wife mention, that I wouldn't be angry at him for switching back to virtual, that I understood. That I'd be sad about it, but not angry at him. He replied "Thank you for saying that." (I suspect I'm not the only client who will be angry or upset about the change.)
I do think there may be some element of jealousy there for me, in terms of her needs coming above those of mine and other clients. Which of course I don't feel comfortable sharing with him. I'm sure many people could share that with their therapists--I'm just unsure how he would take it. Though I don't know, we've been talking through things well lately.
I just had another thought--maybe it's also that she's not a therapist (he's said she isn't), and of course I have no idea if she's been a client (well, she's been diagnosed as ADHD, so maybe?) So I feel it's easy for her to be like, "Just work virtually, you can do the same work with the clients without the risk." And maybe not realize how it can be important to some clients and make a difference in the work. I mean if he was, I don't know, an eye doctor or a surgeon, it's not like he'd even really have the option of working virtually and be able to serve his clients/patients.
Oh, and it doesn't help that I know tomorrow is his birthday, but he doesn't know that I know that (it's listed in an athlete profile on the site for his sport, and I read it like the first week I was seeing him, so it's not like I found it in some underhanded way). So I feel a bit bad if I end up expressing anger with him on his birthday. And, returning to the jealousy piece, also his wife and son--and friends--would get to celebrate that with him, but I don't even know if it's OK for me to say "Happy Birthday!" without his potentially being weirded out.
Knowing me, right at the end I'll be like, "uh, Happy Birthday!" he'll be weirded out, I'll say I'm sorry, then panic that he's going to be upset with me.
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Oh LT, I feel so many emotions for you in this exchange!
I don't know exactly the right thing to say so forgive me if I ramble a bit.
All my therapists that I have seen with the exception of Dr. K who I don't know if he is married or not, or and the crazy therapist I saw for four sessions she was married, all the rest have been single ladies. Either divorced or never married or whatever. So I have never been in this exact situation with a therapist.
However I was recently in this situation with a friend/mentor of mine. Where she put her husband's desires over our plans. And she kind of blamed it on him. Well he wants to do x so I have to cancel our lunch engagement. Like she didn't own her part in it. And I know she is a strong woman WITH opinions so she could have fought for the opportunity to meet with me, but she didn't.
It made me feel so angry and hurt and abandoned and all sorts of things. It caused a huge problem for me which I then had to work out in therapy. But this is WITH your therapist so it's harder to work it out in therapy without a potential rupture.
I totally understand your being upset. It makes sense to me. And the birthday thing would be hard too. My current T is the only one who has ever told me her birthday which was weird and made it awkward for me knowing this information but she very much wanted me to know. I don't know what I would do in your shoes, say Happy Birthday or not. But I hope whatever you decide that your session goes well tomorrow.
Kit