I got a job. In a grocery store. I'm concerned that this is a wrong fit. The me who has experienced trauma at work before, is very scared this could be another bad experience. The me who is stronger and has goals of working, a small part of her wants to stay and try to make it work. [background context: I'd been hired there last summer, went to the orientation, and they put me on some back to back hours that I was so nervous about that I ended up quitting before I started. I was glad she called me though to have an interview.]


This year, I ruffled feathers before I even started my first day. I'd been told I would be working 4 hours on my first day, because I had a volunteer training at the time they wanted me to work the 6 hours. During orientation, they gave me 6, asked if it was okay, and I'd forgotten about volunteer training, and said yes. I ended up calling about 2 hours later, and said something like "Would I be able to work 4 hours my first day? I have a volunteer training scheduled that day that I forgot about. Though I know I already said yes. So if you can't accommodate, I will just work the 6 that day because there are other days to do the training. I just thought I'd ask." She sounded annoyed and a bit unhappy, but said I could work 4 hours that first day. I felt pretty uneasy after I hung up though. She'd mentioned to us during orientation, that once we get our work training schedule, we shouldn't change it. It wasn't something I thought much about till after I made the call. And I felt bad. She did say, during the call, after I apologized, that at least she hadn't gone to the other manager to solidify it yet. But I was just really worried I'd done something wrong.


The next day, I called to give her my routing number for direct deposit, as I said I would, and when she answered she sounded unhappy. When I told her who was calling though, she sounded annoyed. She said "Yes, WovenGalaxy." In a loud, really annoyed tone, and I was so freaked out. I told her why I was calling and she softened to positive demeanor, but after we hung up, I cried. A lot.


My first day, Monday, I woke up with diarrhea. I knew something was wrong, but I knew it would look bad if I didn't go in, or called in, so I went in. I was okay when there, but I have been very sick all week. I called in on my next shift, which was also my birthday (I was really sick, it was a bad day). I also called in today, and saw my primary care doctor today, who gave me a note. Both my dept mgr and the hiring mgr who I spoke with, said to me "This is not good, it doesn't make you look good, you will need a doctor's note." I'm fine with giving them a doc's note. I was planning on it. I have a doc's note. What I'm not okay with, was both of their seeming lack of concern. Not that we are friends or even know each other. But they just seemed so stern and serious. It's not my fault I am sick. I know its bad timing. I expressed to them I knew it was bad timing, and apologized, even though I knew i didn't need to.


Its pretty disorganized there too. I was scheduled to train on days where my dept mgr wasn't there, and my dept mgr was confused as to why I'd been scheduled. But she told me to go in anyway, which I was going to until whatever g.i. bug I have got worse. I'd have had no idea who to report to or what to do bc the hiring mgr was also off. It was confusing and stressful.


So. I've been sick. I think I'm on the mend. But it (the illness) has really affected my mood, too. So, I've been wanting to quit. It just doesn't seem like a good fit at all. I'm disabled, so I don't have to work RIGHT now. It is a goal of mine to work, and this just hasn't gone in any way like I've hoped, and emotion me is really afraid and sees red flags. There is a small part of me that is like "these people are clowns and jerks, or maybe just weird and stern and disorganized, and I'm not that afraid of them, I could maybe still work there and make it work. I have a doctor's note."


I just ****ing dread every second of having to talk to these assholes. She was really nice in the interview and then turned into a *****. I don't want to dread. I don't want to cry.


My job was okay. It's stocking. Some of it was pretty boring. And very physical, which I'm a little nervous about. My first day wasn't bad. But I am concerned.


I'm also wondering if they will notice it was my birthday the first day I called in, and assume I just wanted to have fun. I have a doc's note, but there's no repoire there for me with them. They have so far sucked. It's not so much that they suck (except for the time I cried after her hurtful tone). But I am really uncomfortable with the tone of how they're being towards me.


I could quit. I could resign. I would not give 2 weeks notice. They already seem so unhappy and unsure about me. I'd still give them my doc's note, but quit. It's what I mostly want to do, but I'm scared to do that too, honestly. I don't want to interact with them about difficult stuff where they'll be rude to me, or possibly rude.


And I don't know my sched for next week. This is a ****ing mess. She wants me to hand her the doctor's note in person. Do I have to? How do I quit? This all just is...I don't know. Being sick threw everything off.