Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
Good luck working your way through your difficulties. The main thing is to know what choices you have and what options you don't have. The option of him getting therapy and substance rehab and modifying his behavior is not on the table. He is crystal clear in what he proposes to offer you. His behavior will remain as it has been for a long time. You can coexist with that or separate from him. Those are your choices. It's your call.
After a certain age, courts and police really won't do much to force a child to be with a parent the child doesn't want to be around, especially if substance abuse is going on. A man as self-centered and dysfunctional as your husband is unlikely to care very much about devoting time to spend with his children after a marriage ends. Were you to divorce him, your husband would be quite content to leave managing the kids entirely in your hands. He sees them now because he can't avoid seeing them. So it's a stretch for you to think, "My daughter is better off with me staying married because shared custody would be hard on her." That's you straining your brain to rationalize preserving the status quo.
Continue the marriage, if that's what you want to do. It's entirely your right to choose that option.
|
She would be okay visiting with him she says. What I mean is, she is pushing for separation yet she’d be the one still seeing him. I guess we would still all get together, or even just him and I, if possible. I wouldn’t involve the court unless absolutely necessary. I doubt he’d involve the court. Then again, if I told/asked him to leave, I cannot even imagine what he would do in response. There’s no way it would go well.
It’s true that he has much less interest in the kids than the average parent, and has often said he can’t wait to have an empty nest. He also said if my daughter ever “tries to leave the house” then he is going to need visits with her dog a few times a week because he’ll miss the dog. He says weird stuff. He also gets really lonely if we’re gone. He doesn’t like to be alone for long. He starts to get unsettled without us there. Me maybe.
I guess the truth is I don’t want to live this way. No doubt our relationship has always been some level of unhealthy. He has always thought its great though. His only complaint was more recently the physical aspect which I stopped indulging because we don’t get along. I told him that was damaging me to be giving that way when things are so strained. So he started thinking of us as platonic. His more recent meds have made it a non issue anyway.
It’s my choice, but I can’t see things clear enough yet to know how or what to choose.