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ArmorPlate108
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Member Since: Mar 2022
Location: In the west
Posts: 386
2 yr Member
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Default May 13, 2022 at 01:11 PM
 
My DH of 30 years is currently dealing with a lot of anxiety and depression. I feel terrible for him, he was not this way for most of our marriage. It's exhausting. I want a husband, not a child-patient. He probably wanted a wife. Not someone who spent too much time trying to find solutions, the process of which probably made him feel defective more than human. And I never was successful in helping him. He needed a pro, which I am not.

Anyhow, what I'm trying to say, is you be you and let her be her. It will work, or it won't. Handle your stuff and let her handle her stuff. If she wants or needs help, let her come to you. It's wonderful to be loving and caring, but sometimes that accidentally goes too far and then your smothering someone. My biggest regret and mistake in my relationship was letting his illness overshadow our lives. I joined him in dysfunctional land in my efforts to support and help him. What I should have done was focus on being healthy and functional and autonomous to myself, and then expected him to interact with me on that level. Instead. I interacted with him on a sick level. If that makes sense. It felt loving and helpful at the time, but it wasn't. The best way you can help her is by being the best you that you would be with any partner. The same person whether your partner has problems or not. I hope that makes sense.
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