My Support Forums - View Single Post - Denying mental illness as a coping mechanism

rdgrad15 · May 13, 2022, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuseumGhost

In my now-nearly 17-year experience with MDD and GAD, I have been exposed to some of the stupidest opinions on MY depression.

I've been told that "depression doesn't exist", and that people who claim to have it are, "attention-seeking losers". (I was told this by my covert narcissist step-monster. Had she spoken to me like that when I was actually not so ill, and so paralyzed in my response times to ridiculous, unforgivably ugly comments, she would have gotten a taste of my admittedly terrifying re-education---via a healthy state, compos mentis rage. (Because not only was I suffering from it, but other people that I dearly loved and admired were now battling with this set of anguishing diseases, too.) She KNEW the pain she was causing me by speaking to me like that. She was one for twisting the knife, and on more than one occasion. How I WISH I could turn back that particular clock, and really give her a piece of my mind. But I came up with no words, and never did get the chance to illuminate her the way she so richly deserved.

Two other people whom I also suspect are very likely some kind of narcissists (both male friends of my husband's), and who have axes to grind (they are macho, alpha-male, snotty entitled jerks, who do not enjoy a history of being very nice to women), have uttered similar things in moments where my husband was momentarily absent. I suppose they believe they are protecting him, somehow. One came right out and said "Depression doesn't exist", and the other said a comparatively idiotic thing, when he opined that "neither depression nor anxiety are real diseases.". Hmm. I wonder what the doctors I've seen would have to say to those very rash and uneducated comments. The first one is single, and understandably so. I feel for the latter's wife, who has, as I've heard through the grapevine, some symptoms of an anxiety disorder. Pray for her---she must be experiencing moments in hell---as they are relative newlyweds, and he has forbidden her from seeing a doctor about it.

(Where are we?!? 1950's North Korea?1?)

Nowhere near the despicable attitude of those first 3 towering intellects, the 4th memorable but misplaced comment on Depression came from a well-meaning friend who is actually rather lovely-but-naive, and not the tiniest bit cruel. He insisted (and shared a link to the article containing the miracle cure) that "doing artwork" (which as we all know is almost impossible because of the anhedonia that attends MDD) will, "lift your spirits", and prevent depression from occurring in the first place. AS IF it were that simple. As if ANYTHING were that simple, in life. In response, I sent him a few helpful links of my own. And I am fairly certain they bummed him out.

Lots of people say outrageous, unfounded, and uneducated things, for so many reasons. They might not be informed, which is the simplest and most obvious reason, and ultimately, the reason misinformation and stigmatization STILL have such power over people. It could be that mental illness terrifies the living daylights out of them---they could have sensed it just around the edges of their own life, before, and found the possibility horrifying. It WOULD destroy an awful lot of people's self-image (and world view) if they became the victims of some of these maladies. Then, there are those who just enjoy crushing other human beings' feelings----and giving you a kick in the head on the way through; because of course, if you are suffering from mental illness, you must have done "something to deserve it", the old medieval/ superstitious/ religious explanation for why it happens. And then, there is the completely irrational possibility: There is something about you that threatens them IN SPITE of the fact that you might be ill...and so they express something they know will cause you hurt and wounded feelings. They are the type who need to bruise people, to feel 'on top'.

Whatever the motivation for saying baseless, uninformed, antediluvian commentaries, they definitely :

-Have got the wrong end of the stick
-Should actually go back and take a few more science/ physiology/ general medical/ psychology and perhaps some history classes before they pronounce themselves experts on a topic like this
-Are NOT compassionate, nor are they enlightened people---and they should be avoided at all costs---and need for us to pity THEM.

The first few people you mentioned truly sound narcissistic, I'm sorry you had to deal with them. I'm glad you were able to rid yourself of them, you deserve way better than that and there are people I know that I would love to educate them and give them a taste of their own medicine. For the guy that sent you those links, it actually does sound like he was trying to be helpful but just came off wrong which is actually a very common thing to do since people don't really know how to help others but at least he had good intentions. I agree that most people are just misinformed and uneducated about mental illnesses and could be afraid of them as well, I've been told by people that depression doesn't exist too.

Another thing I've heard people say is depression is easy to snap out of it, just simply think happy thoughts or stop being alone and it will go away. Then thing they don't understand is it's not that easy, I could be in a room full of people and may even be engaged in a conversation and still feel alone. Another thing someone once told me is if you just simply work out then that will cure depression but I've walked before listening to happy music and it doesn't help, I don't think working out does anything to help depression and any relief it does provide is temporary since the negative thoughts and feelings return once you're done. My family believes some mental illnesses don't exist at all while others like depression are easily curable just by thinking happy thoughts, they think anyone who remains depressed is just looking for attention and refuses to be happy.