NP, forgive me if I've pitched it before, but some of your situation and background are perfect for EMDR. There are certain things in my past that I had talked about many times with my T and felt frustrated for not resolving. Then when I got up and running with EMDR, I was able to re-process those incidents in like 2-3 sessions. I still remember the events, of course, but I don't get upset anymore when I'm reminded of them. It's like the memories just needed a slightly different approach to get unstuck. Even just working through the fire would probably be an enormous help. And one nice thing is that you don't have to describe details out loud to the EMDR therapist if you don't want to. Just thinking about them is enough to re-process them. Obviously you wouldn't want to replace P, but you can do this as an adjunct to your normal talk therapy. I was a huge skeptic, but it's been super effective for me.

Just based on what you have shared here -- which I'm sure is not everything -- your relationship was absolutely abusive. It's not even a question to me.

My T likes to say that I'm not attention seeking but that I want to be attended to, which sounds different to me. I'm sorry your mom wasn't able to listen and validate your feelings the way you deserved. You have been through a lot, and the fact that she wasn't able to mother you the way you deserved on this trip (and maybe in general?) says much more about her than about you. We all need to feel heard and supported by the key people in our lives.