So I found out this AM that my uncle had a “moderate” stroke LAST WEEK and nobody bothered to tell me so typical of my family to withhold information. Anyway he apparently has weakness on his left side but no speech issues. BUT he signed himself out AMA from the neuro ICU a couple of days after he was dx’ed with the stroke.

I’m wondering if alcoholism can increase risk of stroke. He’s only 64, which I’m pretty sure is on the younger side for a stroke, though I may be wrong. My grandfather had a TIA when he was in his early seventies so there’s a genetic risk factor already. My uncle is a “functional” alcoholic. Basically he’s been at his job for 30 some odd years but he’s been steadily demoted from grounds manager to his current position of custodian. I believe they are waiting for him to retire, personally. He’s been caught drinking on the job on more than one occasion in the past ten years and I think they’ve been giving him breaks because he’s worked there so long.

I also believe that now that he has to be on disability and possibly retire permanently he’ll throw caution to the wind and just drink all day every day.

I used to hate my family. I used to be furious with my mom for never bothering to get help and just neglecting us. Without my grandma we would have been removed by child services. They came to our house once because a church friend came over and our house had trash strewn literally everywhere. Garbage garbage, not just junk like there is now at her house, like food trash that was attracting bugs. My mom panicked and my grandma came down and cleaned everything up so the social worker wouldn’t see it. And I used to hate my uncle for being an asshole, and my grandpa for being so cold and uncaring toward my grandma and mom.

But now I just feel sad for them all. How miserable they must be. It’s such a sad way to live life, I know. When we went through pictures for my grandfather’s memorial service, I saw not one where he was smiling. How sad is that? And my mom has said a few times that if she ever has a potentially fatal medical emergency, don’t call EMS because she’ll be “dancing with Jesus”. She’s passively sui, my uncle is obviously miserable if he has to get drunk every day. My grandma is gripped with severe anxiety, I can hear it and see it. She’s probably down to about 100lbs, if that. Everyone is so sad and it’s so sad to watch.

I’m just glad I’m getting myself together. I’m glad I’ve made the decision not to live like that. To live for my son until I can find it within myself to live for myself as well.