Oh, Beth, I hate this for you. It is indeed so painful and once again I must strongly recommend you look up ways to cope with the intense negative emotions of ptsd and BP. None of us here want you to get hurt. I don’t know if you have any around you, many do not, but what about partial hospitalization? But then, they may “recommend”, ie force, you into IP. At least that’s what has happened to me. So maybe that’s not really an option. I know seeing your T would help the most but if she’s just not available you need a backup plan.

The distress tolerance module of DBT has been helpful to me. I don’t sign on to much of DBT but that is quite helpful, and some of the emotion regulation. A lot of it is rather hokey in IMO but not all of it.

RE: the AP, I know you don’t want another med, believe me I know the feeling, but right now I’m telling myself it’s all just temporary and hopefully when the trauma emotions are more controlled I’ll be able to reduce. Maybe going on one for awhile will be what you need just to help you through this tough time.

Many, many hugs to you