He uses paint. Right now using a template he made and is rolling the image on fabric. He’s been doing it for the last few years. Hasn’t made too too much money at it (making money wasn’t necessarily the goal-his goal was mostly for fame reasons, which he designates as one of his values), but mostly gives everything away. It ends up costing quite a bit and takes up a lot of room, and all his free time, but I had him resituate his production outside under cover to give us the house back. He plans to sell art on the streets again as he was doing before. He would like to have that be his job but realistically it might be a few hundred dollars a month (he spends this income on weed historically and thinks that makes sense). I guess it depends on what he decides to focus on and which clientele, and perhaps it could be more income. I am an artist as well and would love to do art whenever I want and have that be my job, but we have a household to support. I am fine with him doing art, no job, so long as he is responsibly contributing to the household and contributing that money to expenses.

He now says he will get another job. He now says he’ll quit smoking in case he needs to take a test for a job that requires no smoking. I asked why he wouldn’t quit for his mental health, per direction of the doctors, from the concerns of his family. Puzzled look.

He says he’ll give up his bank card now (his idea). I said that’s fine but is like a band aid, and instead I’d like to instate a budget like I’ve been proposing we should do. In the past he would give me his card when he’s out of control, but he can’t bear to look at the details of bills, numbers, etc. But at least he won’t be spending money we can’t afford if he doesn’t have his bank card.

He said he got fired for his mental health, and I asked him why he isn’t following the mental health plan. Told him only he can make the plan work.

I expressed how his degrading comments are a deal breaker and he is used to me tiptoeing around him and accommodating his moods, that there is absolutely no excuse for how he speaks when I try to talk with him about important things. He couldn’t really take any responsibility for that. He did seem to acknowledge that mental illness is not an excuse to talk nasty to your loved ones. He said, “what’s going on with you right now, you’re being weird,” with a smirk face. I said seriously? You’ve heard all this a million times before, and asked if he was gaslighting.

It’s dysfunctional. Me explaining acceptable behavior for our family and him denying absolutely everything. He even said I was taking up his time with my monologue and acting like I should expect him to clap for my speech. I said bottom line I need to be respected and he must take charge of his mental health and sobriety, get on track, or we’ll need to live separately. He said I’m threatening him, I said I’m stating reasonable boundaries and it’s choice whether to observe them or not. No judgment if he can’t or won’t, but I wont support that choice and he couldn’t expect me to.

We’ve been here before. I go zero tolerance. It’s exhausting to reinforce boundaries and patch holes in leaking buckets all the time.