Get a checking account that is in your name only. Have your paychecks go into that. Let him have absolutely no access to that account. If you want to throw him a few bucks pocket money now and then, go ahead. But keep your income where he cannot touch it. Be prepared that he will likely steal from your purse, if he's broke, or write himself a check from your checkbook. Any budget you set up is for you to follow. He will have zero interest in it.

So you are thinking you might decide "to have him leave." You seem to have not thought much about what that will involve. You are in no position to just "have him leave." He lives there and has a legal right to be there. That man is not going anywhere, unless you have him legally removed. Even with a court order enforcing a legal separation, he will cause you a world of trouble. He will be at you door incessantly. He will be in the street waiting to accost you when you are leaving or returning home. He will be outside the kids' school, waiting to intercept them to try an get them to advocate on his behalf. He will loiter outside your job. He will ask for a thousand favors, like something to eat, or to use your washing machine and dryer. He will text and call you at all hours. He is not going to just go "get his own place." Even if you got him a place, he'll lose in within no time.

Outside the shelter of the family home, this man will end up on the street. He will haunt you every way he can. And he will be furious. You will be in no small amount of danger. He will be outside banging on the windows of the house, if you don't let him through the front door. This man is like gum stuck to the bottom of your show. You will need considerable back up from law enforcement to get him away from you.

At some level, I think you know this . . . but you are thought blocking. You are not facing how desperate his plight is.

Your daughter finds him embarrassing now? Wait till he's homeless, waiting outside her school, planning to follow her home. She has no idea how embarrassing he can become.

If I'm blunt, it's because the reality of what you will go through trying to untangle your life from his seems not to have occurred to you. I'm very sorry to say this, but you sound like a nice lady who is living in La-La land. As you said, several posts above, "it will not go well." You don't want to involve the court? Like he is going to pack bags and drive away to a place of his own. With what? The man is flat broke. He is not going anywhere willingly.

You are having talks with him explaining the respect you want to have from him. You try throwing him out, and stuff is going to come out of his mouth beyond anything you've ever heard.

If there is a support group for domestic violence in your community, I recommend you go and introduce yourself. (You have a long history of receiving emotional abuse.) You need to hear what women go thru trying to eject a man who doesn't want to leave. There is a whole side to this man that you have yet to see.