It’s time for you to see how dysfunctional things really are. What you grew up with was dysfunctional and that became normal to you. Others can relate to that. What your daughter is telling you is right in that you are not doing anything and have been allowing him to continue behaving badly and dysfunctionally.

That being said, he doesn’t respond when you call him out on his bad behavior. He instead turns it all on you. That is actually typical of how addicts behave. And he is not going to change because he would rather make up his own delusions. That’s disordered thinking that often presents with disordered personalities.

As I mentioned, the way to move forward is to continue focusing on yourself and gradually becoming independent and self sustaining. You cannot save someone who doesn’t want to be saved or grow up. Turn your hope to yourself and that also shows your children how to distance from dysfunction and focus on themselves.