Quote:
Originally Posted by Starlingflock
Thank you. I am trying my best to improve and break the cycle etc. My imagination kept me trying with my husband. I gave up on it a few years back and just switched to thinking of him as a family member that I love and care about, who is very sick. I realized a few years ago or so that he is missing something—how it feels to care about someone properly. Since my dad perished at a young age, I think I’ve been focused on prevent the same with husband.
I get such an eerie feeling of history repeating itself. My dad told me his life was in my hands and that was too much for me as a teen, and it scarred me. I’m glad my dad has not been in my life the last 20+ years because it would have been very difficult to keep him at bay if he were here. He wouldn’t at all be a safe person to be around and I could never have him around my kids.
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I think you are expecting your children to put up with the same kind of father you did. Can you see that?
It’s not something you did on purpose. Yet you could not save your father and you can’t save your husband either. And, they both chose to put that burden on your shoulders. That’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to your children either.
You never had an actually healthy adult partner, instead you have basically been the only parent and your husband is just your third child. Your husband still doesn’t want to grow up. Instead your husband wants to smoke pot and get high and live in an illusion.
What is concerning is that whenever you call him out he puts you down instead of taking on some real responsibility.