I think you are expecting your children to put up with the same kind of father you did. Can you see that?

It’s not something you did on purpose. Yet you could not save your father and you can’t save your husband either. And, they both chose to put that burden on your shoulders. That’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to your children either.

You never had an actually healthy adult partner, instead you have basically been the only parent and your husband is just your third child. Your husband still doesn’t want to grow up. Instead your husband wants to smoke pot and get high and live in an illusion.