She is 61. You’re definitely right about not wanting to deal with it, especially my brother. He still hasn’t accepted what happened to us in our childhood. I don’t expect him to forgive her, I’m not even there yet, but I’ve accepted that she made mistakes and she’ll never be the mom I want her to be. I’m perfectly fine having the surface relationship we have.

You are a long, long, productive way into recovery. Be nice to have sibling(s) that are also accepting and treating their emotional and mental health issues, and working to recover from them, but apparently it's rare. My oldest sister relies heavily on her husband to "fix" life for her and she's blessed...her marriage is a wonderful, old-fashioned one. My other sister coped by substance abuse and died 3 years ago from decades of it. I'm the only, sole person in the family who has been in treatment since I was a teen.

It's lonely at the top, hahaha.

I talked about it a bit in group today, I was reminded that I am not responsible for anyone else’s feelings or behavior or reactions to boundaries that I set to keep myself safe and healthy. My boundaries are quite poor with my grandma. I feel responsible for her as well and both she and my mom guilt me about each other.each one claims the other took the most care of us and we “owe them”. That’s why I was about to take on the three things my grandma told me to but I’ve decided not to. It’s too much. I will take her car through inspection, that’s easy. But if she can’t find her registration ticket to get it renewed online the most I’ll do is get an appointment for her at the DMV, she’s gonna have to get herself there. And the taxes are not my problem. I’m not gonna go through all her papers to help her find her w2 s from the last 3 years. It’s too much. I can’t do everything for everyone all the time.

Ahhh, the "you owe me" is a big hook abusers use. I fully support what you have decided to do, and to not do. It sounds very reasonable and fair. Your mom is 61 - that's 2 years older than I am. She's perfectly capable of going to DMV and of doing (or not) her taxes. She's darn lucky you're taking her car for inspection! If someone did that for me I'd probably drop over dead from the shock.

Stick with what you've decided. It's already very generous.

I must set that boundary with my grandmother. I want to save her anxiety because she is 85 after all, but I just can’t be expected to do all this.

I understand; 85 is really old. Still - stick with your limitations.

I’ve been taking care of everyone (including myself) all alone since I was 10.

Oh, good! Then I'm not alone in this club.

I am sorry about the awful abuse you’ve been through, Beth. My mom was just neglectful. She got angry as well, especially when I ****ed up and had to go back IP, but she never yelled, just kind of…disappeared. Sat in her room ignoring us. Ugh.