Still having a bad, terrible, crappy day with

I had a trying conversation with a coworker who is above me on the scale of command even though I asked her to be gentle with me today. I don't think she was gentle at all. She said she isn't mad at me but I don't really believe her. She shut down the conversation abruptly and that just made me feel worse. I went to my boss and told her I was worried and upset. She said she would get back to me. She is probably sick of dealing with me too. Not that I blame her. I would probably be sick of dealing with me too, if I was her. She knows about my Schizoaffective disorder and I told her that it might be me because I just lost a friend, I'm in depression and having but it felt like my coworker was upset with me even though I was doing what she asked. I just needed help because I had never done that task before. And if I go to our outside accounting firm for help, said coworker gets mad because that costs us money. But if I go to her, she makes it sound like I am bothering her. I'm in a lose-lose situation. I've been looking up articles online today about which means it is escalating for me. Therapy wasn't that helpful last night. We talked about my friend dying but not about how to manage these emotions which are too big for me to manage. I'm proud that I am not to manage my emotions but they feel too big for me and I am not doing well. I'm debating about chatting with a crisis line. I definitely don't want to go to the hospital but I am keeping the option on the table. It's just like I don't want to go IP right now. If I could cry I would but tears don't come. I had to take some alprazolam just to come to work. It still isn't enough. If I take a Lybalvi though I'll be a zombie and I don't want that either. I'm out of good options. So I'll just whine here for a bit. Sorry folks. Kit