Crisis chat line person told me to take time off of work. I took time off in February and April. I can't just keep taking time off. I need strategies for dealing with this crap at work.

I hope my boss gets back to me and is at least reassuring. She's probably sick of dealing with me too. I would be if I were her. I'm not worth the hassle. I feel like I'm going to be sick. I am trying to decide if more alprazolam is in order (I can take it up to four times in a day and I've only taken it once). But I get sick of relying on medications to make my life more bearable.

I can't get my friend's death out of my head today. And my coworker makes me feel incompetent and worthless and useless and not good at my job. I can't relax today at all. My stomach and chest are so tight. Deep breathing and meditation and stuff are not cutting it.