Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
Does reframing help? It might not but if you start with the co-worker thing. Does it help to remind yourself that your reaction to the co-worker is possibly over the top - 1. the co-worker probably is more focussed on herself than you, 2. you know you are reasonably competent and have value to the company, 3. Even if the co-worker was thinking that about you - so what? But I doubt the co-worker has given you as much thought as you are spending on her.
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Thanks stopdog. Yeah, I definitely suck at reframing. It is not a skill that I have (yet).
I told my boss in my Microsoft Teams message to her, that it might be me because of having my friend pass and my depression and suicidal thoughts. So I was not putting the blame on the coworker so much as just telling her that I was upset. Not sure what she can really do about it but she has depression so she is usually pretty helpful in dealing with me.
I told crisis line person that my reaction to coworker is probably an overreaction. But it's hard because it's how I feel and I'm having trouble managing my emotions.
I know my bosses find value in me but sometimes I have imposter syndrome where I feel like I am not really qualified and they are going to find out and fire me. I have an MBA for crying out loud. I have some idea of what I'm doing. Just new things I need to be walked through. Said employee did it for me, sigh, and then told me to do the rest of it and she would check my work later. Not what I asked her to do at all. I learn better by doing.
I think it's more likely that said coworker was just annoyed with me because I was seeking reassurance that she wasn't mad (because she sounded mad on Microsoft Teams but it is hard to tell with written out messages and I'm crap at deciphering how someone is anyway). Said coworker did not want to give reassurance, and okay, that's not her job, but I had asked her to be gentle with me this week because of my friend's death, so it wouldn't have killed her to be nice to me.
She definitely is not thinking about me as much as I am thinking about the situation. I am ruminating, which is never good. I am trying to get distracted but I did all my work this morning so I'm googling "how to manage Schizoaffective disorder at work" and not getting a lot of hits, unfortunately.
I'm hoping my boss will be helpful when she does get back to me but waiting on her to respond to me is terribly anxiety producing. I talked to her on Microsoft Teams at nine and it is one now. I probably will have to wait another hour and a half until the NY office closes and she can focus on the CA office. I hope she gets back to me today.
I'm trying hard to sit with my emotions, and failing. I need to try my best though. I'm trying to utilize all the resources I have.