This is a man without honor. He has a bad "character." Bad "character" is not a psychiatric disorder.

A lot of modern thinking tries to argue that everything that defines a person is part of their psychiatric make-up. You can ride that band wagon, if you like. I refuse. I reject the idea that, if a person is "bad," it's because they are "sick." That is a slur and a slander against the mentally ill.

True, the kind of environment and upbringing that engenders psychiatric problems may well be an environment that also doesn't imbue virtue. Not surprising. However, mental health and a virtuous character are not the same thing.

The ideas that a person embraces and believes matter. This man truly believes that he got screwed growing up and that his history of being poorly parented confers on him the right to try and even the score. So he shirks responsibility. He regards responsible persons with utter contempt. Rules don't apply to him. He is the Great Wounded One. The world owes him a living. He holds on to ideas that are evil to believe.

No therapy, nor any psychotropic drug, will make him a good man. He is a bad person . . . . even to the person who sees that all his needs are met. He utterly rejects notions of fair play and trying, in any way, to be a stand-up guy. He hasn't gotten into a lot of trouble with law enforcement because he pretty much gets what he needs at home.

I don't know how much of this he chose. I'm prepared to concede that how he is may be all he's capable of. Those judgements I leave to the Almighty. But he is a bad guy. He thinks it's okay to abuse others. He will die believing that. He must be over 40. His character is formed. He's not susceptible to being remolded into a good guy.

You've tried your hardest to help him. You are not morally obligated to go on indefinitely, propping him up and being his favorite target of abuse. That's all you will ever be to him. It is your option to let him stay within the shelter your home provides. You certainly can choose to do that, but it is not your moral obligation to continue this arrangement.

As far as "kicking him out," this man also has rights. That is currently his home as much as it is yours. I suppose his name is on the deed to the house, same as yours. You can't just issue edicts, telling him to go. You say you won't "tolerate" this, and you won't "tolerate" that. He acts as he darn well pleases, and not much you can do about it.

Separating your life from his involves a legal process. Start a notebook, recording his behavior and statements in summary, with date and time and names of witnesses. (Don't show it to him.) Document his use of weed. You will need this to build a case - for instance - as to why he should not have joint custody of your daughter . . . which it would be irresponsible of you to agree to.